“Our journey is not about changing into the person we want to become. It’s about letting go of all we are not.” ~Nikki van Schyndel, Becoming Wild
Recently, I went on a personal retreat to try again to heal my wounds and see my patterns. I packed my car with journals covering the past 20 years and a book of poetry from 1980. I packed my cooler full of nourishing food, but then added a six pack of beer and an expensive bottle of wine—completely unaware that I was about to sabotage my personal growth by continuing to numb my pain.
I decided to use my retreat time for journal review, to pull out any wisdom that I desired to keep, and to burn the rest. Each journal was labeled with the year it was created and organized chronologically. As I sat down to examine the twenty-five volumes neatly organized, it felt both tedious and satisfying.
The next three days were spent re-reading each one. Re-living the emotional angst of problems in this relationship, then the next … and the next. The patterns of insecurity and sabotage are being explored. Revisiting the same themes, my same desire and dedication
